My Parents Don't Approve of Him
=====================================================
Q: Well, here is the situation.
I find it rather difficult to speak with my parents about certain things such as my personal life.
I am in a relationship with someone and I have a 2 year old son, he's not the biological father, but he wants to get married. I really care about him a lot, actually I love him.
I want to be able to tell my parents but they aren't the most understanding people in the world. They still treat me like I'm 2 years old myself.
I want to get married but I don't know if he's ready.
I don't feel like he is financially stable.
I have a pretty good job and he works but his job isn't like a regular 9-5. It's like he works for a few days a week and then is off for about a week.
I want to know what I should do about this?
I think if he gets a better job we will be okay, but how do I tell my parents this?
from the Mountain:
When you write a question and situation then read what you have written,
you will often see the answer in what you have written.
I have observed one phenomenon whenever I counsel couples.
Universally, without fail, when marriages have really gone bad, parents had warned their children not to go through with that marriage.
When I give pre-marital counseling I will always ask one question.
"What do your parents think about him/her?"
If either of their parents oppose the marriage, that's a very BIG caution or red light.
You mentioned that you are afraid to tell your parents because you don't think they will approve. I can virtually guarantee you that they won't.
If I were your father, I doubt if I would approve either. Here's why.
These are YOUR statements:
"I want to get married but I don't know if he's ready"
You do know. You know he's not ready. There is something both in the logical and in your spirit that tells you this. If you have to say the question, you know the answer.
"I don't feel like he is financially stable."
Again, that's not just a feeling, you know it or else you wouldn't say it.
Money is STILL the number one cause of divorce.
Extreme financial strain can test the best of relationships.
Romance without finance is a nuisance. Believe it!
"his job isn't like a regular 9-5. It's like he works for a few days a week and then is off for about a week."
In other words, he is off more than he works. That's a real bad sign in anybody's book.
"I think if he gets a better job we will be okay."
Never base a marriage on an "IF". Base a marriage on an "IS".
There is a saying that goes, "Women marry men hoping that they will change.
Men marry women hoping that they won't change.
Both are usually disappointed."
If he can't hold a regular job BEFORE you are married, chances are that he won't AFTER you are married. It's even likely to get worse because he will have your income to depend upon. You should make sure that he keeps a steady job for at least a year before you even consider marrying him.
"how do I tell my parents this?"
My advice, Don't.
Don't marry this fellow in his present state. That will probably be your parents advice too.
If you tell your parents they will ask the same questions that you answered and come up with the same conclusions that I did.
They love you, and just as I am writing this to help you, they will advise you to make their little girl happy. Parents will always view you as their little girl. That's a good thing.
Whether or not you show them maturity is up to you.
from MountainWings.com
Click here to go
back to the MountainWings
"Advice Answers" Main Page
