He's Married
=====================

Q:  I met a man on his quest to better understand his relationship with Christ.  

The relationship and hours of communication felt so innocent and a Godsend.  
As a result of our relationship we developed a friendship and eventually fell in love.  

He was married and in a supposedly unhappy relationship, but nonetheless, still married. 

I know that I should have fled from the temptation but WE did not. We had spent hours discussing both of our past and current relationships.  We shared inner thoughts that we could not share with anyone else.  

It felt so right but was so wrong.

Many saints would suggest that the devil came with deceit for me. 

I was on the right path, 3 years of celibacy.  I had suggested counseling and tried to help him focus the attention spent on me to his wife but to no avail.  As a result of our constant communication and relationship, we took it to the next level.  

His wife found out and all hell broke loose.  As a result the entire family is moving from Wyoming to Oregon.  I feel my friend is making the best choice for the situation.  The company is picking up all expenses with a job transfer.  

We are left with broken hearts and much depression as we try to let go of what we had.  He suggested we could continue, me here, him in Oregon.  I know as he knows that I am deserving of so much more than he could give me at this time.  We just found ourselves in a situation before we were ready to deal with it.

I need to let go and end all communication.  I have suggested this and said all the right words but my heart has not been in it.  My mind tells me do this and that but my heart is full of pain and confusion.  I have tried to distance myself even for a few days and find just pain in that.

 My heart aches as I try to convince myself it is the best thing for all concerned.  
I cannot get my heart in the place that my mind is.  There is much pain and depression.  He has seen a therapist to help him work through what has happened.  He owes it to his family and marriage to give it all he has and to decide which direction he is going.  

I have always told him he cannot make this decision based on my being in his life or he will resent me.  He has to make a decision based on knowing that he has done all he could do in the marriage.  I support his decision to try to make his marriage work.  

I hurt nonetheless.  I am tied between letting go, and the pain it is causing by not having the friend that I had, and the fact that we truly love each other.  

How do I let go and heal?  

I know my heart will heal just as it did in the death of my mother.  I thought I would never recover from that.  Any scriptures that I can meditate on that will help me through this valley would be appreciated. 

I know that our letting go or at least mine will help me move forward. It is a most difficult time of pain and heartache.  When I look back over this relationship of 6 months I find I have been so distracted from other efforts underway.  

I am trying to stay busy.  To not think about him, yet no matter what I do or where I go, I can’t shake the fond memories.  Any advice as the issue of MountainWings Think On These Things was so appropriate for our relationship.

from the Mountain:
First, read the question and answer in this section from a single man attracted to a married woman.. It’s called, “She’s Married.”

Fortunately, he contacted me “before” it went to the next level and if he followed my advice, it saved both of them what you are going through. Though you have taken it to the next level and are now dealing with consequences, still follow the advice given in “She’s Married.”

I will recommend one scripture: (Phil 3:13) Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

Paul said that he didn’t claim to understand, but the ONE THING he was doing was forgetting about the past and pursuing the future. That was one action, not two. If you pursue the future, you will automatically forget the past. The human mind can only think one thought at a time. 

Only one . . . pursue the future.

I would also strongly suggest that you listen to a sermon. It will give you some very practical advice on how to deal with this. Go to www.AirJesus.com and listen to the sermon, “Breaking The 3-Way Tie - How to Break the Soul, Sex, and Spirit Ties of Old Relationships.”

Pursue the future.

Pastor Nathaniel

from MountainWings.com

Click here to go back to the MountainWings
"Advice Answers" Main Page