My Love Life
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Q: I have been having problem with my love life for the past couple of months.  
I would like for it to better, but the person I am with is the real big problem 
and I am not sure what to do.  

I need help, do I leave or do I stay and try to work it out? 

from the Mountain:

That depends. 

First, analyze and try to understand the situation.

Always remember, it’s usually NEVER just one person in a relationship that has a problem, usually it’s both.  That’s been my experience in counseling.  

It’s usually both because both people choose and accept each other.  Often people will get in the same type of relationship over and over.  Any problem usually involves both because the relationship begins with a choice by both parties.  This is critical to the understanding of relationships, especially if you are considering starting over.  Your new start will begin with a new choice. Your new choice will often be made with the same emotional and logical criteria that directed your old choices. Many times, you have to change modes of thinking to get different results.

 I can’t really tell you whether you should stay or go, there are no details to make an accurate judgment.

 I will give you three rules in two categories that may help you decide. 

The first three rules involve your choice:

1. Would this be a person I would want to take home to mama?   
The answer to that simple question says a lot.  If mama or daddy doesn’t approve of them, let them go, period.  The judgment of a good parent is rarely wrong.  Trust them.

2. Would you want them to be the parent of your children?  
If you can’t see them being the person that you would trust to rear your children and if you wouldn’t want your children to be like them, then they are not for you. 

3. Do they build you up or tear you down?  
Some people are like balloons, when you are attached to them they lift you up.  
Some people are like bricks, when you are attached to them they weigh you down.  

Is this a balloon or brick person?  

Since they have been in your life are things easier or do you have more problems?  

Do you laugh or worry more?  If they are a brick, then prepare for a heavy load.  
If you don’t want a heavy load, then move on.

The second three rules involve THEIR choice.  Two people have to choose for a permanent relationship.  To be blunt, many times the other person is exactly what you want but you are not what they want.  When that is the case, you will have continual major problems. 

These next three questions involve what THEY want.
1. Are you the ONLY person the other is seeing?  
If not, that’s a very big warning sign.  Fidelity is the first sign of a serious commitment.  
Without fidelity, you may be just a stop along the road to where they are going.

2. Is their past pattern stable?  
People generally do what they have always done.  People change, but in general, check the resume.  People usually do what they have always done.  If the past pattern is relationship instability, then the probability is that is what you will get in the future.

3. What do they say and do?
Not what is it that you hear, what do they say?  
Listen carefully to the exact wording. 
People will often tell you the truth but you hear what you want to hear not what they are saying.  

What do they do?  Actions speak louder than words.  

Don’t make excuses, what do they do?

The HONEST answers to these six questions will often give you a very good guide on whether you should invest additional time or not.  

Nothing is perfect, but some things are definitely better than others.

Choose wisely.

from MountainWings.com

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