Should I Let Him Move In?
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Q: I need prayer and the Lord's guidance in making a life changing decision.
A friend has asked to move in with me until he is able to afford his own
apartment.
As a Christian, I feel that I am to help others, but as a single mother I am not
sure if that is something I will feel comfortable doing. I have a one-bedroom
apartment and he has agreed to sleep in the living room. I am to give him a
decision by July.
I ask that you pray that the Lord helps guide my decision.
I am so torn.
from the Mountain:
Dear Torn,
Life often has decisions that tear us in two.
Wrong tears produce abundant tears. When we make decisions that tear our
lives apart, that produces abundant tears of crying from the regret of it.
The best way to keep any man or woman from the correct path is to give them
another path where the correct path is not obvious. When you have a serious
question about a situation, the best thing to do is to get solid counsel.
I will do my best to give you that.
I don't know your full situation so I shall give counsel based purely on the facts
that you have revealed.
These are the 10 facts in the order presented:
1. You are making a Life Changing decision
2. You have a male friend that is financially unable to afford his own dwelling
and is seeking for you to provide his covering.
3. You are a Christian
4. You are to help others
5. You are a single mother, presumably with a young child
6. You have a small apartment that will necessitate close living arrangements.
7. He has agreed to sleep in the other room.
8. You are to decide at least by July.
9. You are seeking God's Word to guide you.
10. You are not comfortable with the situation, thus the tearing.
There is no Biblical prohibition against a man and a woman living together.
There is no prohibition against a single man and a single woman sleeping
together. The sleeping is not the problem, it's the SEX that's the problem. In
our language, sleeping together means sex and living together means sex.
There are prohibitions in every religion that I know of against unauthorized sex.
You are hesitant because of two immediately obvious reasons.
First, more may happen than just him staying with you. Under such conditions,
it could very easily develop into something physical.
Secondly, the appearance of such a thing is not good.
I am a married man. I am a Pastor of a church. I have very pretty women that
work in the building where I work. I don't go to lunch with them. I don't hold
idle conversations with them. I don't discuss personal things with them. I keep
my distance. I do this for two reasons. The two reasons are the same two
reasons as above. No matter what my intentions are, if you get close,
something might happen. The appearance of such a thing for a person that is a
Christian is not good.
If I drove pretty women around in my car and constantly went to lunch with
them, even if it were completely innocent, the appearance of such a thing is not
good.
I have learned that those outside of church look far more at what a confessed
Christian does than at what they say. If you are living with a man, no matter
whether something physical is happening or not, you have lost any ability to
witness to anyone.
The Bible puts it this way: (1 Th 5:22) Abstain from all appearance of evil.
Whether it is evil or not, living with a man has the APPEARANCE of evil from the
world's viewpoint.
Although you should be concerned about what the world thinks, your primary
concern is the rearing of your child. Whatever you do, they will do. If you live
with a man, then your son or daughter will have a strong tendency to do what
you do. Example is always the best teacher.
I will address each of the 10 points of your request individually.
1. You are making a Life Changing decision -
Not only for you, but for your child. You have a one-bedroom apartment, which
means three of you will have to share. You not only bring him into your life, but
the life of your child as well.
2, You have a male friend that is financially unable to afford his own dwelling
and is seeking for you to provide his covering -
He wants to stay under your roof. No father would want his daughter to pay the
rent for a man. I know men, for I am one. As a general rule, when a man
wants to live in a woman's house and she pays the bills (even under a temporary
arrangement), that's usually a very bad sign. There is a great possibility that
once he gets in, he will never voluntarily move out. If he has free rent, why
should he? Also, don’t count on him paying half the rent either beyond the first
two or three months.
3. You are a Christian -
Christian is more than just a title, it's a mode of behavior, belief, and speech.
You should never have to tell people that you are a Christian, they should know
it by your lifestyle. You won't be able to convince many people with a man living
with you.
4. You are to help others -
Absolutely, but that is with wisdom and with proper order. Help comes in many
forms. If you allow a person to do something that ultimately weakens and sends
them on the wrong path, is that really helping them?
You are NOT a man’s covering, that’s Biblically backwards,
no matter what women’s lib says.
5. You are a single mother -
"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart
from it."
That word TRAIN, means to initiate or discipline. Initiate means to introduce to
or begin in something. How do you want to begin training your child?
6. You have a small apartment that will necessitate close living arrangements -
In a mansion there would still be problems but things are exaggerated in tight
living quarters.
7. He has agreed to sleep in the other room -
Of course he has. Maybe he is sincere, maybe not. Remember, the other room
is next door and you will probably have to go through his bedroom to use your
bathroom and so will your child.
8. You are to decide at least by July -
Why do you have an ultimatum on your house?
You decide when you decide, it's your house.
Already that's a spirit of dominance and he hasn't moved in yet.
9. You are seeking God's Word to guide you -
That's perfect. Biblically it wasn't the seeking of God's word that people had a
problem with, it was the heeding of it.
10. You are not comfortable with the situation, thus the tearing -
You are not comfortable letting him move in. You need someone else to confirm
that you should not do this.
Consider it confirmed.
That's the end of my logical analysis. I prayed as you asked about your situation
as I sat here typing on the computer.
God spoke these words to me:
"Look at his past pattern with women. He has not maintained platonic relationships,
neither shall it be with you."
My final advice:
Beware of Pentecostal Playboys and Gospel Gigolos,
many will try to move in, in the name of Jesus.
Hear and Heed
from MountainWings.com
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